Frustration

My apologies for not writing for the past 6 months. Things have been busy, revitalizing, and spiritually exhilarating. I couldn't ask for more. Sometimes I think about writing on this blog, but then realize that my time would be better used for other things. Like reading the huge amount of articles for the class that I have, memorizing some lines, or dealing with the thousands of activities that I have going on this term. I thought that by quitting one of my jobs I would have more time and be more free, but my time has just been eaten away by those things I love and don't love so much.

Today hasn't been a great day for me. I have let the tension and frustration of others feed my soul and it has landed me in a state of utter exhaustion because I have spent a majority of the day frustrated with myself and asking God why I am so unassertive. Something happened when I moved to England. I stopped being a leader and started letting others do that for me. God did not say that was okay. Part of me now craves to have a voice of reason amongst the madness, to make decisions that others now make for me. So is this lack of being assertive part of who God has made me to be? Or am I listening to the voice of the fallen one that wants me to take the back seat and see destruction instead of life? How do we tell? How do I break the habit? How do I break the way that others see me? I am frustrated with myself, and that is exactly where I hate to be. There are so many promises in the Bible of victory and overcoming. Today those promises seem far away and I am unable to speak them over my life and over my spirit. But I know those promises are there and they give me hope for tomorrow. Because maybe, just maybe, I'll arise tomorrow and be one step closer to who God says I am and who He has planned me to be.