Panic, Poetry, and Prayer

So Christmas break is coming to a close. Tomorrow I start to work on a show for a total of 15 days and then onto 8 performances around Devon (the county I'm in). Am I scared? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Am I stressed out? Well, not yet, but I can foresee it coming in the future. If you ever come to England, to visit or to live, let me give you this one piece of advice: the English are not efficient, nor do they try very hard (because that would require effort with possible failure-something they don't necessarily like). So my professor, Mick, who is directing the show has been saying all along that we are going to be crap. Many of my course-mates are taking this to heart that he really thinks that we are going to be crap and therefore setting us up for failure. While part of me thinks that he does believe it, part of me doesn't. I believe that he is "lowering expectation", another thing that the English do well. But this mentality from Mick is giving concern to my fellow course-mates. I'm trying to be positive.

Since doing four summer tours, I know what a panic can be like in this situation. I don't think that some of my course-mates have the same experience, or anything remotely close. But there are huge differences between summer tour and this. One, Jeff was always organized, in some manner; Mick is really not organized at all. Claiming that he worked on research projects over break, some not even his own. We had a rehearsal schedule, down to scenes/plays we were doing when. No such thing has appeared in our little hands. Jeff, always had a vision of what it should look like. Mick has no such thing, getting our fellow undergrads to do some of the work for him, like the concept. Most importantly, I don't think that all of us trust each other.

All of this has come to a head. I am anxiously procrastinating going to sleep. I want to relax a bit, but my head keeps telling me, "get all the work done on this script that you can before you walk in that door tomorrow afternoon." Homework meaning my GOTE for every scene, what people say about me, going through Michael Shurtleff's 12 points, and general rhythm of the poetry aka scansion.

But something that I was reminded of this morning, and I am humbled by now, is that I should have been praying about this far more in advance than I have. I should have been praying from the moment that I knew what show we were doing, through getting our parts, through getting our crew positions, through memorizing, through the home work, through rehearsal, through the shows. But I haven't been. I have been relying on faith that things will be alright. But I don't have that guarantee, mostly because I'm not at Northwestern anymore; my safe haven, where everything would always be alright and turn out fine. So I'm starting today, to pray. My goal is to pray everyday on my way to rehearsal, through rehearsal, through breaks, and on my way home. Praying continually, something that I don't always remember to do. But it's up to me to pray for this show, because no one else here is going to do it. So if you remember during your day, please pray for our show, little though it is it needs so much prayer.