The past two weeks have flown by. I have spent a majority of my time in rehearsal, typically around 6 or 7 hours a day. It is exhausting. I don't think that I realized just how exhausting until today when I went to get up for church. It was a struggle. I have spent the day exhausted and plan to sleep early tonight. While others are almost done with their tech jobs, my is only beginning. So more exhaustion is on its way. But I was reminded by my church today that God will not give me more than I can handle. And that I am a conqueror in Christ. I don't do this by my own strength, but by my God who strengthens me. I am so grateful for that.
I have been so blessed by my church. It was a long road getting to a place where I knew where I needed to be. But I am sure that this is the place. Where else am I challenged every week to be better, to not just sit and politely listen to the sermon, but engage and think along with what is being spoken, to recognize just how blessed I am, to aim for excellence, to draw closer to my God and have a relationship with him. I needed to get some groceries before I headed home after the morning service. I met Rachel and Grace on my way back. I stopped. Rachel asked me if I was okay. I said I was tired. She let me go so that I could take a nap. At the end of the evening service Rachel and Grace pulled me aside and gave me a gift. They bought me a heart shaped notepad and wrote encouraging things in it. That is the kind of community that I want to be a part of. One where we lift each other up, not matter what. I felt very blessed by them.
Another thing about my church that I love is that they have a dance team. Today three guys did some hip-hop to one of the songs. It was great. And Susana, who is in charge of the group, asked me to be a part of it too. So now there are six of us, three guys and three ladies. I'm so excited to start dancing again. I just have to wait until I get back from London to join them on Tuesday nights. Yay!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Panic, Poetry, and Prayer
So Christmas break is coming to a close. Tomorrow I start to work on a show for a total of 15 days and then onto 8 performances around Devon (the county I'm in). Am I scared? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Am I stressed out? Well, not yet, but I can foresee it coming in the future. If you ever come to England, to visit or to live, let me give you this one piece of advice: the English are not efficient, nor do they try very hard (because that would require effort with possible failure-something they don't necessarily like). So my professor, Mick, who is directing the show has been saying all along that we are going to be crap. Many of my course-mates are taking this to heart that he really thinks that we are going to be crap and therefore setting us up for failure. While part of me thinks that he does believe it, part of me doesn't. I believe that he is "lowering expectation", another thing that the English do well. But this mentality from Mick is giving concern to my fellow course-mates. I'm trying to be positive.
Since doing four summer tours, I know what a panic can be like in this situation. I don't think that some of my course-mates have the same experience, or anything remotely close. But there are huge differences between summer tour and this. One, Jeff was always organized, in some manner; Mick is really not organized at all. Claiming that he worked on research projects over break, some not even his own. We had a rehearsal schedule, down to scenes/plays we were doing when. No such thing has appeared in our little hands. Jeff, always had a vision of what it should look like. Mick has no such thing, getting our fellow undergrads to do some of the work for him, like the concept. Most importantly, I don't think that all of us trust each other.
All of this has come to a head. I am anxiously procrastinating going to sleep. I want to relax a bit, but my head keeps telling me, "get all the work done on this script that you can before you walk in that door tomorrow afternoon." Homework meaning my GOTE for every scene, what people say about me, going through Michael Shurtleff's 12 points, and general rhythm of the poetry aka scansion.
But something that I was reminded of this morning, and I am humbled by now, is that I should have been praying about this far more in advance than I have. I should have been praying from the moment that I knew what show we were doing, through getting our parts, through getting our crew positions, through memorizing, through the home work, through rehearsal, through the shows. But I haven't been. I have been relying on faith that things will be alright. But I don't have that guarantee, mostly because I'm not at Northwestern anymore; my safe haven, where everything would always be alright and turn out fine. So I'm starting today, to pray. My goal is to pray everyday on my way to rehearsal, through rehearsal, through breaks, and on my way home. Praying continually, something that I don't always remember to do. But it's up to me to pray for this show, because no one else here is going to do it. So if you remember during your day, please pray for our show, little though it is it needs so much prayer.
Since doing four summer tours, I know what a panic can be like in this situation. I don't think that some of my course-mates have the same experience, or anything remotely close. But there are huge differences between summer tour and this. One, Jeff was always organized, in some manner; Mick is really not organized at all. Claiming that he worked on research projects over break, some not even his own. We had a rehearsal schedule, down to scenes/plays we were doing when. No such thing has appeared in our little hands. Jeff, always had a vision of what it should look like. Mick has no such thing, getting our fellow undergrads to do some of the work for him, like the concept. Most importantly, I don't think that all of us trust each other.
All of this has come to a head. I am anxiously procrastinating going to sleep. I want to relax a bit, but my head keeps telling me, "get all the work done on this script that you can before you walk in that door tomorrow afternoon." Homework meaning my GOTE for every scene, what people say about me, going through Michael Shurtleff's 12 points, and general rhythm of the poetry aka scansion.
But something that I was reminded of this morning, and I am humbled by now, is that I should have been praying about this far more in advance than I have. I should have been praying from the moment that I knew what show we were doing, through getting our parts, through getting our crew positions, through memorizing, through the home work, through rehearsal, through the shows. But I haven't been. I have been relying on faith that things will be alright. But I don't have that guarantee, mostly because I'm not at Northwestern anymore; my safe haven, where everything would always be alright and turn out fine. So I'm starting today, to pray. My goal is to pray everyday on my way to rehearsal, through rehearsal, through breaks, and on my way home. Praying continually, something that I don't always remember to do. But it's up to me to pray for this show, because no one else here is going to do it. So if you remember during your day, please pray for our show, little though it is it needs so much prayer.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The People I See
It's a strange feeling to walk down the street and see a face at a distance. Then your brain starts to work and you say "oh, that's so and so". When in reality it's not, its just one of those weird look-alike experiences. I think that I have seen just about everyone here, though it's not really everyone. It's their sneaky twins that live in another place. On my way to classes I pass by a lot of students that are headed onto campus for class. Just about every morning I think I see someone from home. There was an Anna, and a Steve, and a Matt, and on and on goes the list. It's almost like God is giving me little bits of reassurance, that in this world I'm not typically a part of, there are still things I can see that are from home. God is giving comfort and familiarity when I don't always feel it. These people don't know me, don't know my past or even my friends, but they are a blessing when they come, unbeknown to them.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Blessings of the Season
If there is something that I have felt over the past two weeks, it is loved. At the beginning of the semester it was hard not really having any friends around and being on my own. But now that is not the case. Over break the people and friends in my life have shown great amounts of love and generosity toward me. People of all kinds were inviting me to their family's houses or their house for Christmas. I finally had to make a choice about where to go. And it really wasn't a choice because Liana told me I was coming to her house to make a pumpkin pie. I have been to Liana and Drew's many times over break and they are quickly becoming good friends. My friends are great people. Katie had me over on New Year's Eve and she made supper for a bunch of us, and she wouldn't let us pay for anything. I finally got her to let me bring dessert. Katie is a very giving person. And it humbles me, a lot. I am truly blessed by those around me. I can only pray that in some way I am being a blessing to them. I can only hope that I am being the light of God in their lives. So this holiday season humbleness, love and blessings have been in abundance. I am hoping that all of you have felt the same things.
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